Kingdragon's Rant of Randomness

So...was so frustrated that finally cried out and no it's not just because of that exam stress it had a long time coming, I mean I had to let it out at some point, I mean how long was I gonna suppress Mantox? But despite all that shit the only thing I remember saying through it all is "I don't wanna fail anymore" over and over and over again. Man it was agonizing but all that frustration had been building up for so long. For so long I had to act strong. The facade was getting weak, I mean of course it was but damn I took my sweet time letting it all out. That was a whole lot worth of frustration and as I was saying through it all I don't wanna fail anymore, now that's not just for the exams its for all those shit that I failed at. All those failures it took me really deep into that dark place again and well the last 1hr was well blinding I guess. Man this soloing shit is really hard and I can't give myself a tight hug but I really probably need one right ...

Yup...here we go again.... So...woke up after a 2 hours sleep, kinda pissed with no signs of sleepiness and it's raining right now.... Not a good sign. 20180626.0225 ...said I was tired of understanding and wanna take a break from it all but here we are.. 20180626.0229 I know caring about it is gonna hurt a lot and I probably won't be able to handle it but still I can't stop caring, no matter what I decide or how many times I decide not to. 20180626.1809 Because of my conditions its kinda obligatory for me to help people who are brave enough to ask for it 20180705.1503 When the same people who taught you something are forcing you to go against that teaching...its annoying...hurts yeah but more on the annoying department. 20180705.1907 Every time I tell myself I won't care anymore and every time I end up caring a little more than I did before. 20180705.2131 Treating everybody like kids is more addictive than I thought I would be...but they all treat me like ...

Wew... that's a quick one but you know, one of those sudden realizations and so had to type this one out real quick. So, apparently I do hold grudges, and plot revenge and in fact have gone batshit hardcore into it. Its just that I've never realized what I was doing, hadn't until now. Well, its not that I've never realized that "Yup, I'm plotting to like really hurt this person" or "Yup, got so much hard feelings fucker!", I have, and apparently its okay to feel and do so when the other person has like gone over a certain threshold. So, no guilt taken. Also, if you ever feel like I'm hurting or tormenting you without knowing or for no reason at all, yeah chances are there might be reasons and yeah ...I'd bet a good chunk of money on me being aware of what I'm doing, sorry can't help it, can't be B-Peace with all the mantoxication not being let out somewhere. And yes, those are legit terminologies.... that I total made up, but...

Hey, so since I'm all angry and all this seemed good a time as any to talk about it in an off the chest kinda way so here we go... So, never really understood what makes people think the decisions they take out of anger could be any good. I mean yeah ...some might be but why do they believe in their decisions so much more when they're angry? Like ...I WANT IT NOW AND I'M WILLING TO KILL FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!..... now under normal circumstances you'd know of the obvious flaw in that statement but when you're angry then... oh boy ! that might sound like the best thing to say. I mean I know you're angry and probably hurting and shit but at least try to think. I know you can't think much further but you know the consequences can't be any good unless you're fighting an intergalactic tyrant and are in rage mode. And if that is the case then.... fuckin kill that mofo with all the angry decisions you can take. Hell, you can explode along with 'em. But on t...