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#19 The Note to Self Thingy Part 2

Yup...here we go again....
So...woke up after a 2 hours sleep, kinda pissed with no signs of sleepiness and it's raining right now.... Not a good sign.
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...said I was tired of understanding and wanna take a break from it all but here we are..
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I know caring about it is gonna hurt a lot and I probably won't be able to handle it but still I can't stop caring, no matter what I decide or how many times I decide not to.
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Because of my conditions its kinda obligatory for me to help people who are brave enough to ask for it
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When the same people who taught you something are forcing you to go against that teaching...its annoying...hurts yeah but more on the annoying department.
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Every time I tell myself I won't care anymore and every time I end up caring a little more than I did before.
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Treating everybody like kids is more addictive than I thought I would be...but they all treat me like one to so.... Payback Biatch!
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I think I just have people who just want me to do what they want me to do... Never ask what I want to what I need to do ...nope just a you do this...or this is what you need to be doing.
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Almost quitted just now...wew I think its all finally starting to catch up to me😂😂
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Yup..I definitely start talking when I'm happy...and with the talking comes random spilling the bean...lul😂😂😭
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Everyone in this family are really good at hiding things, like you won't know something's wrong until you get them drunk.
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I usually ask के? Not because I didn't hear you ... It comes out usually when I don't wanna believe what I heard and wanna reconfirm.
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I guess I knew I've grown up when I stopped wishing for a miracle and started getting ready for the consequences.
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Well can't deny that there's a little remnant of those feelings still beating here and they can't help but get happy every time being there just existing.
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Planning to fail can only lead  to success.
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When people are stubbornly insisting that their version of the info is correct there's nothing much you can do about it except let them live with their beliefs.
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Huh...turns out I do hold grudges and go all hardcore with it...just never realize what I was doing and not really stopping when I do either..Lol
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Yeah, so most of the things that you would consider achievements are pretty much normal stuff for most people, it's just the way you've lived so far that you have a shitty bar with these things😂
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When you're not sure if you hate them or really love them, it gets soooooo annoyingly confusing.
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Fifteen year old me handled these stuff more maturely than I do...
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Choosing to trust people because I don't wanna believe that what I'm thinking about it is true.
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You know the only reason I started to this note to self thingy is because I got too lazy to write an actual diary and besides I have a blog for longer stuffs so ..lul
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People want me to cut my hair but its the one thing that I've actually done among the things I set out to do after that day..😭
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Yeah...so I only puke when I'm severely sleep deprived. Not saying much just that it's one of the criteria for to be met...yup.
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But on the other hand it does bring out the inner lyricist...not the puking...the sleep deprivation part ..
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Holding back Mantox is Fuckin hard right now...dafaq you on?
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I sensing this is becoming more of a journal than a note to self.
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-Beep_ish
Well, #peaceout #thatsaboutit

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