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#27 Off the Chest Chapter 9

So, yeah back here again I guess. I don't know what's going on through this head, but I guess I just wanna quit. No, not in a suicidal way, definitely not that. But I guess I'm just done. Just one more of these shit and I'll be done and gone. Yeah I know, my problem isn't even a spec of what others go through. I'm not the only one. Or people have it worse. All that. Well, all that. Yes, it's been a long time. And it's not even like I'm not loved or anything like that here. But, I guess it's not worth it anymore. It's not worth trying anymore. I know. Much vague. Very wow. But hopefully, future me will figure this shit out. Won't be surprised if he hasn't tbh. But heck, here we are. Normally these thoughts calm down and vanish by the time I get to this much part of this stuff, but I'm still typing.

So, rant mode Gear Secondo.

Sometimes I wonder why I do all this stuff. Not even sure if I'm doing these for the right reason or the right people. Thought I was. Until that point. But is it really all worth it? I mean is just thinking about it supposed to make me cry if it was worth it? Not even happy tears or sad tears. Just frustrated ones. Like so much frustrated tears. Like all this stuff to change something, and they still stay the same. And it's not even something I could do. Like, I know I didn't start all that to be appreciated. Or any gains. Ok, maybe because it kinda made me happy because I was able to make a little bit of difference. And I guess I don't want any appreciation for the things, just some acknowledgement that those things have been done. Like I put in an effort to do those stuff you know. But it's like after all those stuff and one mood swing later they never happened. Or were always there or gonna be there if I hadn't done them.
So, ok I don't need your love or appreciation. But at least acknowledge the things that I've done and the difference they've made. Maybe insignificant, but some of those times they took a large part of what I had to pull off and it's just heartbreaking when they're treated like they're nothing.

Yeah, the dedicated hoomans will probably never get to this post in the right time either. Even if they do they probably won't understand a thing.But.... Yet I write these. Maybe too hopeful about the future. Don't know where that came from 'cause right now I don't think I have much of that anymore. Just one breaking point and it's probably over. So, toodles.
#peaceout

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