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#15 The note to self thingy

Yeah... I don't know if I spoke of it but this seemed interesting so here we go....
Yeah... remember all that "was never prodigious" and shit...well maybe you just might be...its just that you lose the drive to do the shit.... But when you get the drive then..... Ohh hooooou brother
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Realizing you're the only one with a fucked up brain that does some bizarre and fairly creepy stuff is something I'm getting used to. Like things I think are normal when seen from somebody else's perspectives are not normal dude... Trust me on this. Use that different perspective thingy before saying something out loud.
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Things happen for no reason at all, randomly... but they create opportunities and you learn from those opportunities, even the missed ones. The question is...can you recognize that opportunity when it matters the most.
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So apparently I treat everyone I'm in a more friendlier term with, like the boys.... And don't try to pretend to not know what that means Mr. Kingdragon.
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Yeah... you get paranoid a lot about the well being of ones you're close to. And this ain't the normal concerned paranoid I'm talking about.
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Football is the only sport where I don't support an underdog team, apparently.
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Remember when my mom showed concern over the fact that I could somehow type like really fast, like there was no good side to it? Yup.
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Maybe I hate having the crowd's attention because I won't be able to do weird shits when that happens.
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Idk ... I just love helping people I like or at least don't hate... Its that simple
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.....because there are plenty of idiots in this world who think their way of doing something is the only right way.
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Keeping that smile through it all is the hardest thing to go through because you can't be selfish enough to be angry.
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If you don't want to help someone you don't have to pretend like you want to.
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There are some things that even love can't get past
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When you have people who you care about, sad because they think of something to be of bigger ...something...than it is and you know about it... But you can't say it because you're an idiot who promised their drunken self that you'll wait... Its hard...its hard to keep in but its okay... I moon em more for it, in a way. Yup dedicated
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Apparently jamming to heavy metal is a good stress reliever.
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Knowing how its gonna end and yet hoping for a different ending like the idiot I am.
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I guess my biggest fear would be to be forgotten or/and ignored by the people I've grown to care about. Hmph....
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Nothing new is gonna be called good enough because these people are just so immersed in nostalgia they refuse to appreciate anything new.
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The fact that I can tear up at my hypothetical scenarios either means I'll make one heck of tragic story writer or that I'm more fragile than I thought I would be.
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I should never be left home alone kept to myself because thats when Mantox dwells and roams.
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I really need to find someone or something to get stuff outta my chest... And no none of those things I do could help and no I don't have anyone I can talk to about. Some have tried to be, but not quite there yet. And Mantox sucks at these matters. Wew... The chest just got heavy... Huh.
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I only act like a kid because everyone chose to treat me like one.
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You know... All my words are gonna go misread and are gonna make people sad so Imma just shut up.... You know like the good ol days.
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You don't always have to push yourself into unfamiliar territory. You don't always have to face your fears. You're allowed to do what you find comfortable doing. You're allowed to have a home zone. Its not always about competing and winning... Sometimes you just have to live and grow up doing what makes you happy.
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Mantox ain't a different personality I have ... Its that phase when I go and think entirely in a different way and when I come back I only remember parts of it.
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I guess... Going Tadaima!!! But having no one to say welcome back(Okaeri) is an added fear now.
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Awkward when you know everything but still have to act like you know nothing.
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Didn't care about people enough to know they're hiding stuff, before..
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If you don't want to talk to me, you don't really have to make elaborated lies to do so...it'll just sting.
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-Beep_ish
...just so much Beepish...will come with a part 2 and more someday... Maybe

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