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#25 Off the Chest Chapter 7

Maybe it was obvious from all these post but to come straight to the point I'm mostly just depressed and sad and lonely. Even when surrounded by people who... as a matter of fact are really close to the heart but still there's always this loneliness.. And nothing seemed to be able to do anything about that until that one person came in to my life. Well she was well that person that made the loneliness go away. Like I've never felt any loneliness when I'm with her and believe me I always feel lonely. So when I'm sad or depressed or just need that person just meet her... I try to. But sadly it seem she just ain't got the time. Yeah we talk about our future together and all those stuff...but she just seem to not have time for me and well me being pessimistically paranoid go on to go all those thought process that'd make me cry. And that's like every other day.
Yup that one person who could make all that loneliness go away doesn't have time to be with me. That... That just amplifies this lonely feeling and although this relationship seems so toxic to me ...so full of sadness I can't seem to get out because just the thought of bring with her just the thought of her makes it worth the stay. Well atleast up until I don't go suicidal that is. I mean yeah I cherish every moment I get to spend with her and want it to last and I'd do everything I have to let those moments become a lifetime but I never seem to get the feel that she feels the same. That she cherishes those moments. Sometimes it just feels like she forces herself to be with me for some reason or the other. I mean she does keep ignoring me when I seem to need someone. Scratch that... She seems to ignore me until its something that she needs to get done. I'm no saying that she doesn't love me but that it never really feels like she does. And that thought always haunts me. What if I'm the only one who's in it. What if she doesn't want me anymore . yeah stuff like that I guess....
#peaceout

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